This first-person column is based on the experience of Lyle Mustad, who lives in Winnipeg and has been sober for four years. For more information about CBC's first-person story, please refer to the FAQ.

There is nothing more Canadian than hockey. In addition to the combination of beer and hockey.

I started playing hockey seven years ago because I wanted to be closer to my friends. Most of them play hockey together, so it makes sense to join the team.

But there is no way to get around it: my hockey sucks. I don't know where to position myself. I can't catch the puck. Although I played hockey when I was growing up, I was only 15 years old and at the lowest level. 

Many of my teammates have played high-level junior hockey. Even those who don't-so far, they have been playing in the team for more than a decade, honing their skills. I have some things to do.

This is not an easy task. The first three years are ambiguous. I have been surpassed and surpassed in all aspects of the game. And I didn't feel that I was growing.

I felt trapped for a reason-with the door closed, I tried to get rid of my rampant anxiety, but without success.

Two days before I turned 35, I woke up from the second night of blackouts in a row-this became a pattern on weekends. It's time for a radical change.

I cleaned up and sober. 

You might think I did this by giving up my beer league hockey. 

This is a sport full of aggressiveness and exhaustion, and then the room full of men drinking a refreshing glass of hard-won beer. But to my delight and surprise, perseverance is one of the best decisions I can make.

It turns out that from the moment I told them in the locker room after the game, my good friend accepted this change in my life without pressure or judgment. From time to time, they ask me how long I haven't been sober and congratulate me on the changes I made for myself. Their curiosity warmed my heart, and their sincere congratulations reminded me that they truly support my efforts for a healthy and happy life.

Before the change, I had hidden my drug addiction so well that they didn't know that I was fighting against alcoholism. 

I don't drink during the day, so I have never been drunk. But a friend commented on how much wine I drank in the locker room and thought it was too much. I told him that the 5 bottles of pale beer after the game were just a prelude to the 15 bottles I drank alone after I got home.

Now, once we leave the ice, each hand will echo the crackling of crisp beer in the locker room.

Of course, every hand except mine. And I am not sad about it. 

I am very happy to share the room with them like I did.

Sometimes their understanding is not enough. When I played a two-ball match for the first time, some of them urged me to drink beer to celebrate. But drinking beer is not an option-I did not turn off the switch.

Hockey is still a tough challenge for me, but sober Lyle actually likes it.

Because sober Lyle actually improved. The sober Lyle was not exhausted all day, every day.

Now, after seeing them every week for many years, I have a close relationship with the boys. I was invited to participate in the event. I know their lives. I know their children. it's beautiful.

Most importantly, after every game, I will reiterate my strength in choosing to stay awake.

Once, I even brought beer for one of the games. There is an ordinary "beer man" in our team. When he can't play, he will ask others to take the helm to bring supplies to the entire team. One day, no one can do this, so I volunteered to participate.

I am grateful that I have this regular opportunity to test this determination. This is no longer even a problem. Now this is what I did.

I know this will not work for everyone who is struggling with addiction-this is not a "how to" article. But this is my story.

Now I have really learned how to play our wonderful winter pastime for the first time. I began to enjoy the experience of being competitive on ice. 

Because I am sober, I know the exquisite satisfaction of sending a perfect pass from tape to tape. And I know what it is to really feel part of my beer hockey league-while remaining calm and sober.

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Lyle Mustard is a writer, speaker, and coach working in his hometown of Winnipeg, Manitoba. When he learns to heal wounds and overcome addiction, he wants to help others do the same. You can learn more about Lyle on his website LyleMustard.com or send an email to Lyle@LyleMustard.com.

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